I Found Mindfulness in Running

When I ran in the Hood to Coast a little while back, mindfulness sort of clicked for me. It was near the end of the race, but I eventually got there. I had some tough legs and, being in school, I didn't train as much as I realized I should have. Pretty much every step of the way through my first and second run I was having an internal battle. I was trying to enjoy the moment, enjoy the scenery, and focus on the accomplishment. But at the same time I couldn't help but think, "what was I thinking, this was so stupid of me, I should have trained more." I went back and forth like this for quite a while. Finally, about a mile into my third leg, which was the hardest only because I hadn't slept in 30 plus hours and had been sitting in a van letting my muscles tighten up, something suddenly felt very peaceful. The internal battle carried on but the positive side eventually won, and I was able to just enjoy being present. Even though I was tired and in pain, I just kept letting my body do the work and I was able to let go, almost like my body and mind were separated for the rest of the run. I hope that I can continue to return to this practice, because it truly was serene in a moment of chaos.

Staying Sane

I was at work the other day trying to use mindfulness to make my day go a little more smoothly. I was having some trouble with it. When I am sitting contently and calm and don’t feel like there are a million other things I should be doing, I can practice mindfulness quite easily. But, when I am at work running around trying to get everything done that needs to be done, medications passed, assessments, and charting, all while having thoughts of what I need to do for school on my mind, I have some serious difficulty with mindfulness. But, I kept trying. I think that by the end of my shift I was able to let go of some of the things that didn’t matter. You know, those things that just make your day unnecessarily more difficult. For instance, I was able to ignore the fact that the secretary grunted every time I asked him a question. Or the fact that every time I would gather an item that my patient requested, he would ask for another. These are the little things that would normally annoy me, but there is no reason that they should. There is no reason I should allow my coworker’s bad mood bring down mine. And the fact that my patient has more requests than normal shouldn’t bother me. Making my patients comfortable is the part of the job I love. The only reason I get frustrated is because I have so many other things to do. Once I was able to let go of these things, the day went more smoothly. I still have a lot to work on with mindfulness, but I think that practice makes perfect. Once I master it, I think that going to work will be a lot more joyful because I will be able to focus on the parts of it that I love.

MEAL Planning

I was at first a little stuck when attempting the meal plan. I understand the concept, but dissecting a paper that I wrote years ago slowed me down because I had to relearn what I was previously discussing. I think that at the time I wrote the paper I revised, I was a better writer than I am now. The paper that I chose to revise was a paper that I wrote for a writing class in my undergraduate program. At the time, I was writing frequently for classes as well as writing essays for nursing school applications. Since I graduated and have been working as a nurse, I have avoided writing as much as possible. This realization is a great reminder that to be a good writer and to be comfortable with writing, I simply have to keep writing.

I started the revision process by finding a paragraph and identifying the different parts of the MEAL plan. I realized that I actually had already used the MEAL plan when I wrote the paper originally. Because I had already used the meal plan, and I had all the correct pieces of the formula in the right areas, I continued the revision process using some of the concepts from William Zinsser’s book, On Writing Well, such as cutting out clutter and proper word usage.

I found that just by using Zinsser’s concepts my paper became much more clear. It was easy to see the improvement because I was reading about a topic I was no longer versed in. At the time, I was an expert on my paper topic because I was the one who did all the research. I realized that as an outsider who is just reading one paper, it’s important to make the writing very clear, or else the ready gets lost and becomes disinterested. It’s our goal as a writer to convey information and to make the reader interested in learning more. I can’t accomplish that goal if my writing is not clear or easy to read. I think that the MEAL plan and the concepts that Zinsser addresses are excellent tools to improve my writing and communicate my message to the reader.  

Keeping the Silence

Last night I spent some time with a friend who moved to Brooklyn about two years ago. Even more recently, she found meditation and it has become a significant part of her life. I am all for it, but I have to say, I really appreciate the chapter in Wherever you go there you are titled Keeping it simple. This chapter states,

there's no need to tell other people about it, or talk about why you are doing it, or what it's doing for you. In fact, there is no better way to waste your nascent energy and enthusiasm for practice and thwart your efforts so they will be unable to gather momentum. Best to meditate without advertising it.

I have practiced meditation regularly in the past. It's not something that I have kept up consistently, but I have had enough experience with it to see the immense benefits, both physical and psychological. I wasn't one to ever talk about it, but that's really because I was younger and among my friends it would probably be considered strange. At that age I just didn't have the confidence I do now as an adult and I was unwilling to let anybody know about meditation. Now that I am older, and I hear my friend "advertising it," I really see the importance of keeping it to yourself. It's difficult for me to explain why it's so off-putting, but I think it partially has to do with the fact that it comes off as very self-righteous. And, I really think that Kabat-Zinn is correct in saying that it's a waste of energy to broadcast your newfound love of meditation. When I hear somebody gloat or brag about their new lifestyle, it sheds a bad light on it and makes me want to have nothing to do with it, and I'm sure it does the same for other people as well. Meditation is something that people truly do have to find the beauty in themselves, because it's such a personal experience. We should all do the art of meditation a favor and keep it to ourselves.

Starting Mindfulness

Quite honestly, I have been enjoying reading Kabat-Zinn. It does feel like a little break from schoolwork because it is much more of a relaxed type of reading than, say, pathophysiology or health policy. Although, with that said, I can’t really say it has affected my anxieties towards writing, clinical practice, school or nursing. So, I guess that means that I haven’t really been grasping the concepts entirely yet. I hope that I can get there, because I would love to have less anxiety regarding writing, school, and my nursing practice. It’s almost like an on/off switch for me. When I am reading this book, all my other worries and anxieties are gone, but the second I put it down they flood back in.

I really enjoy the idea of mindfulness and want to be able to incorporate it into my daily life. My mom practices meditation and has brought me to many meditation services when I was young. Even then I remember being told to “focus on my breath” and the only thing I could think about was how I was supposed to focus on my breath rather than just doing it. I would become frustrated with myself when I became distracted. I have the same sort of experiences in yoga. Although, I know that once I make a habit out of this it becomes second nature and flows into every area of my life. I would like to strive to make mindfulness a habit for me.

Here we go...

Starting a blog seemed like sort of a daunting task to me. In fact, signing up for a writing class seemed daunting. Did I think I wouldn't have to write? I don't really know what I expected! I have never felt like a strong writer. In fact, in high school I remember the first day of my writing class freshman year the instructor said, "I've never had a student come from St. Cecilia who knew how to write." If it's not clear, St. Cecilia is where I went to grade school. So part of me wants to blame my lack of writing confidence on my schooling, part of me thinks it's because I was programmed to think I'm a poor writer by my freshman teacher, but in reality I know it's just because I avoid writing anything (let alone letting others see what I write) at all costs. But, I know that here I will have to do both. So, here we go...

I'm confident that as RNs, we will know!